Issues

How often do I hate my body? Well, sadly it is every day. Every single day I think I look too fat or I'll hat my calves for being way too big, my hair is all wrong or that I don’t have enough make up to cover all does ugly blemishes on my face.

I hate feeling this way. And especially every day.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I do feel pretty, but they are so few in compression that I hardly note’s them.

I go to the gym, I try and do my best. I hate going there, but I still do it because I don’t want to look like a whale. Every time I eat something I think of how “bad” it is for my body, lately I have been trying not to think as much about it, but I still do it. Because if I “could” I would seriously eat sweets for dinner. Usually I’m at the gym about 3 days a week, and some say that they think that it’s amazing that I get myself to do that 3 times a week. BUT apparently, that is not enough, enough for who you ask? Well, for my body, it just won’t go down to the size I want. And what size is that you ask? … Well, actually, even when I was smaller than I am now, I was still calling myself fat, ugly, and sometimes even disgusting… The thing is, I’m never satisfied, and for what? I have no idea.

It is a marvellous time to be alive and there is so much to see and explore and here I am, worrying about if my boyfriend thinks I’m fat when I sit down next to him on the sofa because that’s when I get those lovely rings on my tummy. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

I have the most amazing boyfriend ever. He tells me every day that he thinks that I’m beautiful, smart, cute, and that he loves me now and forever, regardless of what is going to happen. He has never said anything “bad” about my body, ever. And still, I worry about what nickers I put on so that I don’t get a mark on my thighs or my tummy.

I need to start going to the gym for the right reasons, for me to feel good and have a healthy body, not to have a really skinny, tight and “right body” for the sake of what others may think of me.

I need to appreciate and believe my boyfriend when he tells me that I am, in fact, beautiful.