The land from a long time ago.

Sometime it feels like just like the little dinosaur, because he live in the land from a long time ago. Sometimes it feels like this world is just standing still, that we have done nothing. When people once again think that people of a certain color or certain religion should not be able to live anywhere in the world, that we cannot help everybody because we don’t have the means to do it. We all know that this is bullshit. We can help every human on earth – it’s just that, if we do, maybe we also have to change. And change, that is something I have talked about before. Everybody is so afraid of change, embrace it – change is you friend, change is there to challenge you and make you stronger.

Change come in so many variations, and sometimes it’s in your appearance. I have gained some weight. It’s been hard to embrace the fact that my body “isn’t what it used to be” -  which by the way, is a bullshit sentence. My body is what it’s always been. Mine. Mine to do what I want with, mine to live in, mine to cherries, mine to protect and mine to love. But all the same, it has been hard.

I thought about what I think is hard about me gaining weight. I came up with these things:

My old clothes do not fit me/fit as well anymore.
I do not like the way I look in the mirror
nothing makes me feel pretty anymore

These are 3 really shitty things to be standing and saying to yourself. It’s a shitty thing to say to any person, but to stand there and say them to yourself -  it’s like a mantra and all of a sudden you believe them.

All these tree come with an understatement. All of those things are incorporated with what others might think of me, what others would think if they saw that the clothes I where don’t fit me, if I don’t like what I see in the mirror, then others will think I’m ugly to, and if I don’t feel pretty, others will not think I’m pretty.

This once again makes me feel like I live in a the land from a long time ago. How in this world am I, 27 years old, successful, happily almost married, and in many people around me, like friends and family, tell me I’m beautiful every week, that I still cannot appreciate my body as it is. That I’m worried that people around will not take me seriously if I’m not skinny and what people at the coffee brake will think of me if I take 1 or 2 cookies. We are all pretty good at sending positive energy to others, and really shitty at doing it towards ourselves. Spread your love you for a change. You are the best version of you, do not let anyone tell you anything else.